Leading German thinker and philosopher of the last century Nietchze is the source to my knowledge of this wise observation that “marriage is a long conversation”. While Nietchze generally has a bad reputation for his “superman theories” and his “God is dead” maxim - this seems his BEST philosophic observation about that grand ole human institution - MARRIAGE.
Over the past seven years at our Bi Men Network - so many of our men have repeatedly conceded that they STILL HAVE SOME GREAT CONVERSATIONS with their wives. When push comes to shove many men acknowledge that their wives are in fact their best friends. While women seem to make “best friends” far more easily than most adult men - finding a “best friend” is all too often a major problem for many grown men.
As we all now KNOW - romance fades and sex fades. Youth fades. Outer beauty fades. Energy fades. Growing old is not for sissies as Bette Davis once shrewdly noted!
Do you still converse with your wife? or are you like so many older couples just stuck at the dining table in SILENCE or with the TV or radio on or both reading your sections of the newspaper? How many couples do we see eating out in public in COMPLETE SILENCE. And NOT the comfortable silence of two old friends who are at peace with such quiet.
Well if you are STILL ENJOYING good conversation with your spouse - SHE IS A KEEPER - and most definitely your best friend as well - or one of your top three best friends. It has been said that after 30 we should have only THREE GOOD FRIENDS. Running in packs is for nuns and for youth.
IF you are still enjoying GOOD TALKS - GOOD CONVERSATIONS - with your mate you are indeed very very lucky.
I often surmise that one reason MEN really enjoy GOLF as the grow older is that it is a good cover for FINALLY conversing - really solid TALK - with other men as they ride or walk across so many holes of golf! WHILE walking or riding a golf cart together you can talk without looking into one another’s eyes. ALSO a good reason why bar stools with liquid chat lubricants are a conversational plus. Not having to look directly into another’s eyes! AND those amazing CONVERSATIONS on planes and trains with strangers we never see again. EYES not in direct contact with our chat partner! IF you ever find you need to have a heart to heart talk with your spouse and are not good at direct eye contact consider a long, private “Sunday” drive in the country where you can quietly, intimately communicate with one another.
SO - if you have had a HISTORY of GOOD CONVERSATIONS with your spouse - have at it again. OFTEN - it is just good to take that nice long Sunday drive for the heck of it - even take a picnic along formore fun. BUT even just the spontaneous SUNDAY DRIVE is good. You can both relax and chat with your FOUR EYES on the road ahead and just nicely CONVERSE with your mate! Give it a try - after all - you owe that much to your best friend - right? OK!
Big Hugs & Best Wishes,
Stewart (Mac) McCloud
Founder & President
Bi-MEN NETWORK - http://www.bimen.org
Now over 250,000 guys with us today
Stewart (Mac) McCloud is the Founder and President of the Bi MEN NETWORK - the world’s largest social and support organization for bisexual and gay men and bi-couples. The Bi Men Network is a strong proponent of safe-sex and keeping marriages and families together. With over 1/4 million adult members it is the largest bisexual organization on earth today with members across all six continents.
Infidelity has different faces…and different signs and patterns.
Yes, infidelity is complex. You probably know that or perhaps feel the overwhelm and confusion.
Most I work with find tremendous relief, a sense of control, confidence and power once they pinpoint the situational signs of infidelity.
Understanding IS the beginning of healing.
Yes, there are general signs of infidelity that indicate that your husband or wife may be cheating. After you finish reading this page you will find a link for those general signs of infidelity.
But, to accelerate breaking free you need to dig into and nail down the signs and patterns of infidelity.
Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and research, I’ve identified 7.
And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much grief.
Let’s begin here.
One kind of affair I write about in my e-book is called, “My Marriage Made Me Do It.”
Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of affair:
1. Expect that your spouse will have a very powerful attachment to the other person. The other person will consistently be on her mind. Your spouse will shift energy away from you, the children, the household and her career to her affair relationship. She will be focused, but not on you. Your spouse will attempt to push you away by avoiding you, ignoring you, closing off communication or walking away.
2. The affair will most likely be a long-term affair. It will be very difficult for your spouse to walk away from the other person. He may try on a number of occasions but will continue to gravitate back to the other person. He will hold on tenaciously. This is probably the first or only affair for your spouse. Your spouse is not interested in playing or fooling around but powerfully attaching to the other person. The other person is the savior!
3. Don’t believe that the affair was planned before hand because of a bad marriage. These affairs usually just happen. They usually happen with someone in close proximity: co-worker, neighbor, friend (frequently of friends with whom you socialize), etc. The other person is usually the aggressor, your spouse lacking the confidence to seek out the affair. The rationale that it happened because of a lousy marriage comes after the affair is in bloom.
4. The more you try to persuade, convince or pursue, the more strongly he will attach to the other person. He will perceive your efforts as weakness and will want to attach more intently to the other person whom he (at perhaps an unconscious level) deems to be the powerful and loving answer-to-all.
5. Efforts to use moral or religious arguments to call a halt to the affair will be strongly resisted. Your spouse is not guided by rightness or wrongness. These standards have not been internalized and do not carry much weight, especially when it comes to the important chunks of her life. The actions and thoughts of your spouse primarily originate from her need to attach to another person. Any behavior or concept that serves the purpose of maintaining the attachment will be valued. Others are discarded.
6. Expect you will spend a significant amount of time and emotional energy in the next 2 to 4 years (especially if there are children) attempting to resolve the relationship. By resolve, I mean, coming to a point where each of you are fairly free of the emotional entanglement that holds you together and generates the pain and fear. It will be important for you to resolve the relationship whether you continue to be married or separate and divorce.
Does this fit your situation?
Do you see the importance of understanding in-depth the signs of infidelity. Once you do, you will have many more options available that will help you break free.
Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com
You know you want vibrant colors, beautiful accents and flowers
that represent who you and your groom are. However, unless you
have a particular flower in mind, choosing your wedding flowers
can be a difficult challenge.
Some brides choose their wedding flowers by what they symbolize
and also by what is in season when your wedding is taking place.
Choose your wedding flowers carefully and take your time. Think
about where you met, were there flowers that you think about and
hold in your memory? Walk through public gardens; visualize the
flowers you see in your wedding. Which ones stand out? Talk to
friends who garden and ask their opinions as to what flowers
would look great in your wedding. Or if you have decided on
wedding colors, choose flowers that would accent and make these
colors prominent.
When choosing wedding flowers for bouquets and arrangements,
check out Calla Lilys, which are large yellow or white tropical
flowers. These are in bloom during the spring and summer months
and mean magnificent beauty. Delphinium flowers are also in
bloom during the summer months and come in shades of white and
blues and are a popular wedding flower. Delphinium means
swiftness and lightness.
Other common flower choices to look at when choosing your
wedding flowers are Lilies of the Valley, which are traditional
wedding flowers. They are small, white, and bell-shaped and are
commonly used with other flowers in arrangements. Their meaning
is happiness. A simple, and yet perfect meaning to any wedding.
For all year round flowers, try choosing wedding flowers that
have a strong meaning, with a subtle look. Chrysanthemums have
several different varieties to choose from, such as spider,
miniature buttons and pom-poms. They come in different colors
and mean wealth, abundance and truth. Carnations are another
popular choice for weddings and come in either full-size or
miniature blooms. Available in red, white and pink they can also
be dyed to match the colors of your wedding. The meaning of
carnations is love and devotion, which fits a wedding perfectly.
When choosing wedding flowers, also think about fillers for
bouquets. Ivy is the most popular filler and has been used for
generations. It is available year around and means fidelity,
friendship and marriage, which is a good start to include in
your wedding.
More traditional flowers to consider when choosing wedding
flowers are the common rose and stephanotis. Roses are used in
full blooms or buds and are available in a variety of colors.
These are famous for bouquets, corsages and boutonnieres. Their
meaning is love, joy, and beauty, which fit right in with a
bride and groom uniting as one. Stephanotises are trumpet-shaped
blooms in white and pink. They are available year around and
mean marital happiness.
Some people believe that the flowers used in weddings, dependent
on their meaning, can bring luck and good fortune to the couple
who chose them. When choosing your wedding flowers, go with
those that stand out to you and ones that would look beautiful
in your wedding photos. And remember, you can never really go
wrong when you include flowers in a wedding.
In today’s world, it seems that almost any topic is open for
debate. While I was gathering facts for this article, I was
quite surprised to find some of the issues I thought were
settled are actually still being openly discussed.
Flowers are the most common and most beautiful of wedding
decorations. Make an effort to choose flowers that fit your
taste and style for the wedding. They will show up at the
ceremony, reception, and in photos for years to come. Most
couples choose to use a florist to arrange bouquets and
decorations.
You can help your florist plan your arrangements if you bring
pictures or fabric swabs of gowns and colors used in the
wedding. Also try to bring along a layout of the church and
reception facility.
If your floral designer is unable to be present for the
ceremony, ask for specific instructions for handling the
flowers. You may want to assign specific people (a bridesmaid or
family member) to handle floral items.
Be careful when designing a bouquet that it is not too large,
which would obscure the details of your dress. Flowers should
compliment, never upstage your look. Keep in mind the proportion
of your body when selecting the size of your bouquet.
If your wedding flowers facts are out-of-date, how will that
affect your actions and decisions? Make certain you don’t let
important wedding flowers information slip by you.
In terms of floral color, pick something that offers a contrast
to your gown. Floral arrangements that closely match the gown
may get lost in photographs. When planning the color of the
flowers at the altar, keep in mind that dark colors tend to lose
visual impact in photos. Lighter colors will stand out better.
Ask the florist to separate the men’s lapel buds and the flowers
for the mothers, grandparents, brides, and attendants. This
keeps people from running in and out of the bride’s dressing
room to get flowers.
When working with your florist, do not hesitate to be specific
about what you like and what you want. If you want something
lush and lavish, DO IT. You should expect a spectacular bouquet
just for you on your special day.
Have your florist arrange two bridal bouquets, one for the
ceremony and one to be thrown at the reception. This will allow
you to preserve a bouquet that was designed especially for you.
Finally, begin searching for a florist at least 3 months in
advance of your wedding date. Ask for references and check them
closely. Check their shop to get a feel for the designer’s style
and taste. When word gets around about your command of wedding
flowers facts, others who need to know about wedding flowers
will start to actively seek you out.
12 Months before the Wedding
When choosing the flowers for your big day, enquire with a selection of florists at least 12 months in advance of the wedding day. All good florists book up quickly. You may get lucky and there is a cancellation - not so lucky for someone else though! Ask friends what florist they used for their wedding. Personal recommendations are usually the best indicator of how good a florists work will be.
Ask for a one to one consultation. Expect the appointment to last about one hour; much shorter and the florist is not giving you a thorough service.
If possible take a photograph of the wedding dress along with you, or at the very least have a detailed description of the dress. The florist needs to know where any special detail is on the dress so as not to cover it with flowers.
Try and take swatches of attendant’s fabric with you. Your flowers should complement the outfits, not match.
Let the florist know what budget you have in mind so they can work to it.
Together with your florist you will work out the design and quantity of wedding flowers you desire.
After your initial consultation a quotation and a booking form should be sent out to you.
6 Months before the Wedding
Have another bridal consultation. You will need to take a sample of fabric for your dress and the bridesmaid’s dresses. This allows the florist to work out what flowers and in what combination best suit your unique wedding outfits.
Any decent florist will show you samples of all the flowers in your bouquet so you will know what to expect in the finished article.
The bridesmaid’s bouquets tend to be half the size of the brides or of a complementary design. At the moment (summer 2006), wrist designs are very popular.
The boutonniere for the groom is usually designed with a selection of flowers used in the bridal flowers.
The best man and the bride and grooms fathers tend to have a smaller version of the grooms boutonniere.
For the mothers, suggest the flowers are attached with a magnet. This will avoid getting pin marks in their outfits.
Most florists hire out vases for the table centre wedding flowers. An alternative would be to buy the ones you prefer (Ikea and Tesco seem to be popular shops for wedding vases!).
3 Weeks before the Wedding
Confirm the date and time of the wedding with your florist. Ensure that gift bouquets are ordered for the mothers. Your florist should provide two deliveries - one for the bride and one for the groom.
The Wedding Day
If your florist does not suggest it, ask for advice on how best to hold your flowers in order for them to look their best in the wedding photographs.
If you have a tied bouquet, let the hotel to place it in a vase for you.
Enjoy your special day!
Sasha Fenby is NDSF qualified head florist at Forget Me Not florists. Sasha regularly demonstrates her art throughout the UK and has taught floristry since 1999. You can send flowers via Sasha to the UK and worldwide by visiting her website http://www.WeLoveFlowers.co.uk.
While there are many important elements to planning a wedding, the wedding cake is certainly one of the most important.
After all, the wedding cake is the centerpiece of the wedding reception, and certainly the most important of all foods at the wedding.
A wedding cake, after all, is much more than a dessert; it is a memento of a very special day, and how the wedding cake looks is just as important as how it tastes.
Choose A Baker Who Is Known For Their Quality Of Cakes
That does not mean, of course, that the taste of the wedding cake has no consequence, and the wedding cake must first and foremost be a delicious dessert.
It is important to choose a baker who is known for his or her quality cakes, and also one who has experience supplying cakes for weddings.
Reviewing The Bakers Portfolio
When shopping for the perfect wedding cake it is important to look at the portfolio of the baker.
Any baker who has supplied cakes to weddings in the past should have an extensive portfolio of pictures showing those cakes in all their glory.
Not only will a glance at this portfolio of work give you a good idea of the skill of the baker but it may give you some ideas for the elements you want on your own wedding cake.
Choosing The Flavors For Your Wedding Cake
The flavor of the wedding cake is an important consideration as well.
While the traditional white wedding cake with white whipped frosting is still the most popular choice, these days there are a number of other flavor choices, including chocolate, strawberry and even orange.
In addition, there are a number of excellent filled wedding cakes that combine a variety of different flavors into one great package.
No matter what type of wedding cake you choose, however, it is important to get that wedding cake on order as quickly as possible.
The bakers who specialize in creating these wedding cakes are often very busy, and it is important to order that wedding cake as early as possible to make sure it is ready in time for the big day.
Choosing the perfect wedding cake can be a lot of fun, but it is important to give the choice of wedding cake the seriousness that it deserves.
